Author: Stanka Silva

We all have parts of our past, buried and suppressed so deep inside; They are the pillars for all that we do in life.

I attended a workshop last year that really brought out the deepest reason why I am the way that I am, why I do the things that I do and why I don’t do things that I probably should!

For as long as I can remember I have asked myself – where does my drive come from; as well as my self-sabotage!? Why are certain things in my life the way they are, even when I try so hard to fix them or let go of them!?

I have tried to figure it out before, I took part in many workshops and seminars, I followed different techniques and exercises, but every time I only scratched the surface.

During this event the coach asked for a volunteer. Someone that would like help with discovering areas we hide away from, things we fear, memories we have repressed as well as things we most desire and dream of.

I don’t know why, but I put my hand up. I looked up and thought OMG! – What the hell am I doing!? 

I didn’t want to volunteer, I didn’t want to be on stage, I didn’t want to be scrutinised by all of these strangers! I didn’t want them to know my fears and my desires, I didn’t want them to know anything about me!! But I had my hand up and it was too late; he called me to the stage.

As I sat on the high chair my heart started pounding! My body was shaking. My mind was going at a million miles an hour. What will they say? What will they find out? Over two hundred strangers are going to dissect my life and judge me! I just wanted to get up and run.

He guided us through a powerful meditation, similar to the ones we had done throughout the day; at the end of the meditation the participants were asked to talk and tell me what the meditation process showed them about me.

The first woman that spoke addressed my fears. When she spoke, her voice was crackling, her face and neck were going red, her breathing – matched mine. It felt as if I was the one speaking. 

Some guy talked about my brother, the fights we’ve had when we were growing up and how those moments have affected me. How did he know I even have a brother!?

Another talked about my job and career. Someone described my character. Another woman talked about the crossroad I was at and the choices I should make. The coach talked about my biggest fear and my greatest reason WHY.

It was by far the strangest and most surreal, life-changing experience to date!

I literally could not believe what I was hearing! How is this possible? I didn’t know any of these people,  apart from my husband, who was gobsmacked and couldn’t quite believe what was going on.

We both left the workshop not knowing what to say to each other.

The experience was one that’s so hard to describe, even as I write this, it brings back those feelings of shock and disbelief but also of relief and freedom. 

Have you ever gone that deep!? 

Have you had an experience maybe similar to this? 

Have you looked inside; are you scared of what you might find? 

What have you discovered ? What is your biggest fear?

Who are you trying to please or prove yourself to!?

Do you know what is the driving force in your life? 

I hope and wish you are brave enough to seek and discover; because only then you can truly commit to take charge and get in that driving seat. 

Get rid of what doesn’t serve you, remove all the things that get in the way and start building the path that leads to truly being YOU!

To Your Journey – Be Extraordinary!

Big Words. Scary Thoughts!

I dare you to DREAM BIG!

How big can a dream really be? I think if your dreams don’t scare you they are really not big enough!

I read a quote that said “So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” 

How many have dreams for a better life, a better future,that amazing job, lots of money in the bank, starting a business, a better relationship,  a bigger home, a better work – life balance, a good health, more time, travelling the world  …dreams are many. But you have to imagine them first and dream them and want them so badly, that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make them a reality.

Nothing will happen if you just dream.. you must dream and take action. I said in my previous post make small steps and small changes to your daily routine and the compound effect of that will result in a massive change over time. I heard Vishen Lakhiani say “we overestimate what we can do in  a year, but underestimate what we can achieve in three years”. I agree with that.

Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves and we put immense pressure on achieving a goal without being realistic about it. We fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others, but we seem to forget, everyone is walking their own path, at their own pace and in their own way.

To reach your dreams you cannot continue to do the same thing and expect a different result. You must change, and you must start today. What changes can you make today? 

The first step you should take in my opinion is to write your dream down,  in big bold letters on a big piece of card, and put it somewhere where you can see it all the time, it will be your gentle reminder or the elephant in the room. I want you to then look at it and imagine what kind of a person you have to become in order to achieve that dream, and believe that everything you have imagined, everything you have dreamed of is really not that far away. 

There is obviously a gap between where you are and where you would like to be, so, what do you need to do to close the gap?  You might need to learn a new skill, change jobs, or maybe need to wake up a bit earlier to work on that business idea you have, maybe eat healthier, drink more water, get a personal trainer, get a mentor, ask for help, or you just need some more me-time to let those creative juices come out.  Whatever it is, only you know what changes you need to make to get closer to your dream.

You need to think big, dream big, believe big and the results will be big!

To Your Journey – Be Extraordinary!

The only way is UP they say!

Well, not always. We go up and down, left and right but sometimes, we seem to be on the same trajectory for far too long before we realize we were meant to have changed course a long time ago. We get so used to what we do day in – day out, that we forget why we started the journey in the first place.

I am guilty of doing that and I am sure you are too in some areas of your life.

We stick to the same relationship long after all the passion and love has gone and we just stay around because we feel safe. We feel comfortable. We sometimes stay in relationships we know we shouldn’t be in at all, but, yet we stay. Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t? I disagree!

It is the same with our jobs. We get far too comfortable and end up staying longer than we ever planned. We listen to others’ advice and follow the common  “why mend it if it is not broken”? We list all the reasons why not to leave – it pays the bills, it is flexible, I like the people I work with, this is like my home…. All my needs are met (or so we think) ….only until they no longer are.. Are you the one that people refer to as – she will never leave, she is part of the furniture, she has always been here!… But are these reasons enough for one to stay in a job or a relationship? We hardly ever question how is this job actually working for me as a person, for my development, for my future?

This was just a pit stop for me… at least that was the plan.. but 14 years later I am still here.

Why am I still here you must wonder? It is a long story so I will just summarize – comfort zone + fear of starting something on my own = SELF DOUBT!

I have an amazing friend, we used to work together, before leaving she suggested I attend a weekend seminar – and this is where my journey began.

In only two days my eyes were opened to possibilities I didn’t even know existed. I met people that shared passion for life and love, personal development and growth. I made a decision that weekend that I will follow my heart and I will grow no matter what it takes. I  altered my life trajectory and my journey now is beautiful and fulfilling. I am not saying it is perfect,  and I have to admit I changed course on what I really wanted to do a few times, but one thing I was always certain was the kind of life I want to live. What am I willing to tolerate? Whom do I want in my life?

If you are at a crossroad, may it be your relationship, your career, the place you live…  all you have to do is breathe and imagine the life you’d like to live. Be realistic, you will most likely not win the lottery (sorry I am being blunt)  but it needs to be something you are willing to do, work for, put an effort in…..and once you are in that place just enjoy, feel it, see it and be it.  At this point you don’t have to know how you’re gonna make it happen yet, you just need to know what it is you really want.

If you don’t know what you want yet, look at the areas of  your life and choose one that is really not what you imagined, make a list of the things you no longer want, the things you will not tolerate. Once you have made a list of the things you won’t tolerate, make a list of only the things you are willing to accept. If you do that for every area of your life, by the time you come full circle you will have a clear picture of what you want and what kind of life you are prepared to live.

This is when you take action!

One step at a time, one list at a time and pick one thing that you can change right now and just do it! Don’t be scared. For we regret more the things we didn’t do than the things we did.

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch

#TonyRobbins said “Life happens for You, Not to You.”

To Your Journey, Be Extraordinary,